Guest Post: Recovery at Christmas

It’s Christmas and you have a history of mental health issues?  Here are some seasonal challenges…and six proven strategies to maintain your recovery.

Sharon Hastings

As someone in recovery from severe mental illness, I must be careful and intentional about how I approach the festive season.  Below are six challenges I have faced on my personal journey, and my top tips for progressing towards recovery at Christmastime.

Darkness

There may be fairy lights everywhere, but there’s no escaping it – the shortest day of the year and the Big Day itself fall side by side.  We have, at best, six hours of daylight, and even that can be dreary and marred by rain.  This can upset our circadian rhythms and exacerbate depression.

But there are things we can do to help.  If you have a Wellness Recovery Action Plan to manage your mental health, now is the time to revisit it.  Make sure you are up and about for the first light of morning; plan to get outdoor exercise as often as you can; and build half an hour in front of a ‘SAD lamp’ into your routine.  If it’s wet, time in the gym will release endorphins.

As Christians, it is also important to remember that we celebrate the coming of the Light of the World.  Jesus said, ‘“Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness”’ (John 8:12).  He is our hope.

Loneliness

There may be family gatherings, school reunions, and church events to go to, but for many people, Christmas is the loneliest time of the year.  Mental health problems can isolate us, as we seem to be the only ones who aren’t enjoying the festivities.  It can be especially hard for those who are single or grieving.

The “Five Ways to Wellbeing” model, grounded in research, can be a useful antidote to loneliness. It suggests that we should:

1. Connect (with others) – phone an old friend, or say hello to a checkout assistant.
2. Get active – work on small changes like getting off the bus a stop early.  Or try a spin class!
3. Take notice – savour the scent of a real Christmas tree, or take in the sounds of a market.
4. Learn – join an advent Bible study, or research courses you might try in the new year.
5. Give – volunteer to welcome people at church, or help deliver gifts to struggling families.

We might not have our own families around us at Christmas (or we feel left out or misunderstood) – but we celebrate our Everlasting Father who understands and cares for us (Isaiah 9:6).  Look to him.

Social expectations

Christmas brings many expectations.  At church we feel we should smile even though we feel low and greet everyone over mince pies.  Work Christmas dinners can be awkward socially and may bring pressure to take alcohol.  Large gatherings of family or friends are difficult for those with anxiety.

An important “recovery tool” in dealing with expectations is self-compassion.  When we are under pressure to attend an event, our self-talk should be compassionate: “This is hard for you. I understand.  It’s okay to be afraid”.   We approach ourselves as we would a suffering friend.  “Breathe.  Have a means to get home early.  And if you choose not to go, that’s okay”.

The Saviour we celebrate looks on us with compassion too, (Mark 6:34) and he expects nothing from us except that we trust him.

Strained relationships

Christmas brings people together…but not all family members, colleagues or church members get on! The festive season can magnify tensions, especially if alcohol lowers inhibitions, and relatives or acquaintances may ask us provocative questions.  Such situations are difficult to navigate.

If you find your buttons being pushed, the “STOPP” skill can be extremely helpful.  First, Stop.  Take a deep breath.  Observe what is going on externally and internally.  Pull back – see the bigger picture.  Finally, Proceed mindfully – say or do only what is going to be most effective in the longer term.

In Isaiah 9:6, we are reminded that Jesus may arrive as a helpless baby, but he is Almighty God - bigger than those petty family arguments.  He sees when you are hurting and can heal your wounds.

Worries

For many people, Christmas brings worry and stress.  For example, financial pressures may be amplified as we struggle to match others’ gifts (and even pay for extra heat in cold weather), and we may worry about what will happen if we become unwell at a time when many services are closed.

The “Five areas model” can help manage anxieties.  An external situation – Christmas (1) – impacts on our thoughts (2), emotions (3), physical sensations (4), and behaviour (5), in a vicious cycle.  But intervene with just one area (challenge thoughts, breathe deeply for physical calm) and you can break the cycle.  You may need to do it again and again, but you will move towards regaining control.

Being aware of what is going on in our five areas is important in dealing with worry, but we also look to the coming Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), who tells us to cast our anxiety on him (1 Peter 5:7)

Excess

Turkey, pudding, wine… If we wrestle with food or alcohol addiction, Christmas is challenging (especially when people top up our glasses without asking or push us to have ‘just one more’ cookie).  For those with restrictive eating disorders who find any food difficult, Christmas can be terrifying.

Mindful awareness is useful in both addiction and restriction.  We pay attention to what is going on in our bodies, respecting their needs: “I’m starting to feel full – I don’t need another mince pie.” “I’m getting a little tipsy now – I’ll ask for water instead.”  “I’m a bit weak – I’ll get back on my meal plan.”  To build your ‘mindfulness muscles’, start a daily practice such as a body scan or guided meditation.

There may be no mental health professional on hand to keep us on track, but we can look to our Wonderful Counsellor who came at Christmas to guide us on a path of peace (Isaiah 9:6, Luke 1:79).

I believe that having recovery-orientated skills and strategies for surviving the season is useful and important, but also that keeping the story of Jesus’ birth central gives perspective and hope.  Why don’t you light a candle today and meditate on/consider him for just a few minutes, breathing in his love?