Wrestling With My Thoughts: A Year on from Publication

Two ‘Babies’

From September 2018, I knew that, if all went to plan, my ‘baby’ – my memoir, Wrestling With My Thoughts – would deliver in January 2020.  What I didn’t know then was that another baby – our first child – would also arrive in the same year! 

Whilst publishing my first book was a major milestone, it did pale a little in significance relative to the enormity of being pregnant after many years of longing to be a mother.  I was excited and nervous about how my book would be received, but more excited and nervous about the coming of our little human!

A Year Like No Other

And of course, no one could have foreseen that 2020 would become so dominated by global pandemic.  In some ways, it was not an ideal year to publish any book – after all, aside from January’s launch events, only one of my speaking engagements went ahead.  On the other hand, awareness of mental health issues has grown under lockdown conditions, and it seems as though Wrestling With My Thoughts addresses one of the key concerns of the times we live in.

Three Big Prayers

This time last year, we (my husband and I, many friends, and our prayer partners at IVP) were praying that my book would be relatable for those with mental health problems – that it would help them to feel less alone; that it would encourage Christians who already support those with mental health issues; and that it would help to equip the church as it seeks to reach out to vulnerable people with severe mental illness. 

Honest, Harrowing, Hopeful and Hard-to-put-down

As the year draws to an end, our prayers are already being answered.  It has been such an encouragement to receive emails and messages from readers who have been impacted by my story.  Many have said that they found it a ‘page-turner’.  One wrote, “I read your book from cover to cover in one sitting”; another said, “I could barely put it down.”  Others found it too “harrowing” to read all in one go; they needed breaks. 

Readers told me that my book gave them a voice: “You articulated my feelings better than I could…I could relate to it so much.”  Many said that they really connected with the book because of its openness: “Thank you for your total honesty and raw emotion.”  And those without experience of mental illness - lecturers and church leaders, for example – also said that it was life-changing: “Reading about your experience will certainly have a huge impact on my teaching.” 

Reviewers, too, have been largely positive.  The Presbyterian Herald gave it a five-star rating; the Church Times said that it was a ‘worthy addition’ to the growing pile of books by Christians who have suffered mental illness.  And invitations to read or speak have trickled in steadily.

The Birthday is Happy

So how do I feel as Wrestling With My Thoughts approaches its first birthday?  Probably a little distracted – my five-month-old requires most of my attention!  But I have tried to keep in touch with how the book is doing and I am very pleased with its progress.  I revealed much about my journey which had previously only been shared with those very close, but overall, I have few regrets; the positive impact which the book is beginning to have outweighs those occasional, inevitable feelings of over-exposure.

Looking to the Future

I hope, going forward, that Wrestling With My Thoughts continues to extend its reach.  We keep praying that it will be a voice for the voiceless, comfort for the lonely, hope for the hopeless, encouraging, educational, and – for all readers – a pointer to God.  I hope that I will be able to speak again at public gatherings, as well as participating in some virtual events, and I hope that I will find time to keep writing.

If 2020 has taught us one thing, it is that we cannot predict what lies ahead.  Look at how the world has changed in the past twelve months!  But some things will always stay the same.  Wrestling With My Thoughts concludes with my affirmation of three key truths: God is good, He holds me, and He gives me strength.  On its first ‘birthday’, I can attest that God remains sovereign.  He is in control – of my life and in the world as a whole. 

I join with so many in praying that by this time next year, we will be living in a post-pandemic society; however, I suspect that coronavirus will have left an enduring legacy of mental health problems.  Wrestling With My Thoughts remains relevant and I pray that it will be useful for years to come.

The ebook of Wrestling With My Thoughts is just 99p at the moment - and we've got plenty of other helpful resources on Mental health, you can find a sample below.