The most important, least talked about relationship...

‘We’re doing a series on relationships as a church,’ said a colleague with enthusiasm, ‘we’ve got a session on family, another on singleness, one on divorce.’  ‘And friendship…?’ I ventured tentatively.  Her face fell, ‘I think that one has been overlooked.’

I began a journey of being captivated by friendship during the worst year of my life.  The discouragement of publishing my first book the week all the bookshops closed in March 2020 was compounded and overshadowed by the terminal cancer and death of my mum a few months later.  Two things accompanied me through the valley: faith and friendship.  Over the months that followed, as part of my research, I asked countless people whether they had ever read a book, or heard a talk on friendship.  Hardly any had.  I became convinced that the heart and art of being the best of friends was one that we were seriously neglecting.

The research I undertook led to a couple of things.  Firstly I began to talk about friendship to anyone who would listen – in conversations over coffee, on platforms at conferences, in small groups of students and OAPs and from pulpits in churches.  And as I did it resonated everywhere.  People of all ages, backgrounds and stories talked of quantity over quality, superficiality over depth and a deep hunger for more.  The second thing that happened is I wrote The Best of Friends.  This time around, the bookshops stayed open and we could celebrate with proper in-person launch events with canapes and cake.

Since February, the greatest achievement of the book is that it has raised the volume of the conversation on friendship, at a time when it has arguably never been needed more.  Last week the World Health Organisation declared that loneliness is a ‘global public health concern.’  For many in our world, this is a matter of life and death.

What I am most encouraged by is the number of churches who have got in touch to tell me they are now teaching on friendship, and moreover, have been making intentional cultural changes to facilitate friend making in their communities – both between believers themselves and connections with not-yet-Christians.

To support these conversations I am thrilled to let you know about a new 5-part video series that has been created with Right Now Media.  These 12 minute films are designed to help small groups deepen their friendships and transform the cultures of churches.  They explore profound wisdom from the Scriptures and take seriously the example of Jesus in how we treat those around us and where we invest our relational energy.

My hope for all of us in the UK church at the moment is that we play our part in bringing and being good news to a lonely and fractured world.  I wholeheartedly believe one of the most significant gifts we have to offer is the simple act of being a good friend.  Would you join me in making this happen and helping others be the best of friends?  Whatever influence you have, would you teach on it in your church, study it in your book club, explore it in your small group?  Our current landscape of relational poverty can change and if it did, we would have deeper discipleship, a more united church, a more cohesive society, less lonely leaders and more followers of Jesus.

Because, it turns out, the secret of eternal life is not what you know but who you know.

The new film series, The Best of Friends, is available from the Evangelical Alliance and Right Now Media.